A Scourge Worse Than Homos

Businesses worry Holland's anti-gay vote could hurt efforts to attract and retain talent

Of course you know that homosexuals rape schoolchildren, but did you know that Mexicans rape schoolchildren and then steal their lunch money?

Well, now you do. Incontrovertible evidence!

Conspiracy Theories For The Win

New York man accused of striking Detroit officer with vehicle in Greektown charged with murder

Not many people know this, but in Buffalo it is illegal to have a foreign-sounding name.* Mohsin might claim to be from Buffalo, but he's actually from a suburb in neighboring Niagara County. Anyone can see that this is the first strike of Al-Qaeda of Upstate New York's secret plan to decimate the Detroit police force, one hit-and-run at a time. Fortunately, Michigan has an extradition treaty with New York.**

* Not intended to be a factual statement.

** This either.

So Wrong It Goes Right, Then Back To Wrong Again [UPDATED]

Is cracking down on illegal immigration in Metro Detroit a waste of time, money?

This level of ignorance is almost delightful. Almost.

Apparently Dearborn has an invasive species problem: eagles! They're swooping down, pecking out children's eyes, eating kittens and chihuahuas, nesting on utility poles and bringing down power lines. They must be captured and released in their country of origin.

[Updated with the Islamophobe's perennial favorite, terror babies.

Maybe you thought it was going to be all about the Mexicans, but we're versatile. We can turn on a dime and hate anybody!]

Dispatches From The War On Health [UPDATED]

Grand Rapids Public Schools planning to announce multi-million dollar grant for health centers

Yes, that's what the dental exam chair is for. Also, and it pains me to have to explain this repeatedly, but HYDE AMENDMENT.

I imagine the school health workers are terribly disappointed every time they realize they've accidentally provided care to a child with a valid Social Security card, or even a child whose parents were born in the United States. Their two semesters of night-school Spanish are going to waste!

[Updated to note that the next day's followup story drew the same comments, coincidentally in the same order: Grand Rapids schools receives $2.6 million to continue school-based health clinics

No, abortion will be offered a la carte, except on Thursdays. They're running a special: every immunization comes with your choice of abortion or sports physical.]

Bodily Fluids and Hidden Agendas

One man makes big impact, helping AIDS orphans

Note that the school discussed is in Uganda, and focuses on education and community development. While Bethany Christian Services is best known as an adoption agency, they are not in fact cultivating the Nyaka AIDS Orphans School as an abundant source of cheap African babies. Or are they?

He's correct in one respect: earlier this year, the US finally lifted its longstanding HIV immigration ban. This means, naturally, that Bethany Christian Services has the go-ahead to import HIV-positive children, presumably via cargo container, and deliver them to the home of pullupyourpants. Naturally they will bleed all over the place, due to injuries sustained during transport. The local Red Cross chapter, not wanting anything to go to waste, will collect and redistribute the blood. The children and everyone infected by transfusions of their blood will be enrolled in Medicaid, which means that all their medical bills will be sent to pullupyourpants. Or something like that.

You're A Long Way From Home, Pardner

Activist blames Detroit for murder after SMART rejects her 'Leaving Islam?' bus ad

I'll defer to the reporter on this one:

Geller's argument, a link to which we've seen retweeted several times today, contains so many half-truths that we don't know where to begin...
1. The City of Detroit has nothing to do with SMART, which as its name implies, is run by a suburban authority with representatives from Oakland, Macomb, Wayne and Monroe Counties. She's suing SMART, so she should probably know that. Those people she just called "evil clowns" have nothing to do with the case.
2. Geller's proposed ad reads: "Fatwa on your head? Is your family or community threatening you? Leaving Islam? Got questions? Get Answers!" and directs people to a website warning about religiously-motivated honor killings. Mokdad allegedly was murdered in Warren, where the ads might have ran. However, she had only moved to Michigan recently, was living in Grand Ledge (far outside of SMART's service area) and only visited Warren to help her grandmother move some belongings.

 I was surprised to discover that vanzorge, despite the name, hails from North Bergen, New Jersey and is active on NJ.com. Perhaps this is his summer home. Just as monarch butterflies unerringly flock each winter to the same fir groves of northern Mexico, so this troll has, with the change in seasons, sought a different bridge beneath which to lurk.

Here we find him in his native habitat:

I'm sure he and closetheborders will become fast friends.

He Will Not Be Denied His Riot!

Hundreds protest in Dearborn Friday against Pastor Terry Jones' anti-Islam gospel

I guess I shouldn't surprised to find commenters who still wholeheartedly defend not just Jones' right to free speech, but his message.

Jones' planned three-hour hate rally amounted to a largely inaudible 90-minute tirade delivered to 700 counter-protesters, which he was only able to deliver thanks to police protection from the city of Dearborn. Give the man a medal! He incurred a sore throat and stubbed toes in the battle against Islamofascism or whatever!

Lack of antecedents allows for fun with hermeneutics. I for one support returning Terry Jones to his no doubt impoverished hellhole of a hometown. The millions of interracial couples in long-term relationships would likely disagree with some of karatkake's conclusions, though.

Unlike Tomatoes, Nativist Rhetoric is Always in Season

Grand Rapids market smashed by early morning hit-and-run-driver

From this we can conclude: smashing up a storefront is no big deal if it's a Latino-owned storefront. Also, it might not be illegal for Latinos to own businesses, but it sure ought to be.

It's a Solution Seeking a Problem

Editorial: What we should do to win the war against methamphetamine

This seems to presuppose that undocumented immigrants are already being rounded up and shipped to work camps.

Education: There's Something for Everyone to Hate!

Grand Rapids school and union leaders say high poverty, high needs students lose under the governor's proposed budget

The aptly named noclue has a suggestion on what to jettison. Unfortunately, the science is against him.

I have never seen a purer example of the concern troll on MLive. J.J. Forte can only express approval if it's wrapped around veiled racial slurs. He seems to imply that he, too, is an educator, which makes his comment even more insidious.

He Can't Stop Picking at It, Part II

Fixing one of Michigan's worst schools: Examining Godfrey-Lee's progress

The students and staff of Godfrey-Lee High School took lemons, made lemonade, and served it up in a glass inscribed "Learning Is So Important, You Guys!" Then closetheborders poured out their lemonade and replaced it with a Dixie cup of warm piss.

Furthermore, he does not appear to understand how "public schools" work. It's simple: people pay taxes so people can go to school. Sometimes these are actually the same people. We do this not only because learning is important, but because learning increases the likelihood that people will find good jobs and thus not need the welfare that closetheborders decries.

Fun with Antecedents

Federal immigration agents accused of 'stalking' parents dropping off kids at Detroit school

Oh, you mean the kids? They go to school because that's where all the books and teachers are.

That's not what you meant? You should be aware that the ICE agents weren't "just doing their jobs." They're prohibited by law from conducting operations in or near schools.

Yes, and Family Fare is Like Just Italy

Editorial: Growth of Hispanic population should be reflected in seats of power

This being the Grand Rapids Press, they couldn't print an editorial about demographic shifts without not-so-subtly implying that most of West Michigan's Hispanic residents are just residents, not citizens. But noclue needs no prompting:

If shopping at Wal-Mart was like stepping into Mexico, I would go there more often. I'd take a week off and hang out at Wal-Mart. You know, climbing the pyramids, going to the beach, eating awesome Mexican food, dancing to cumbia music. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart is nothing like Mexico. For starters, Mexico is outdoors and most Wal-Marts have a roof.

Fuzzy Math

Police arrest two in alleged bribe attempt of Michigan Secretary of State worker

Paying a $1,500 bribe for a driver's license amounts to paying a 600% markup on the standard fee. I'm not clear on how this constitutes theft of state revenue.

Adventures in Troll Self-Monitoring

Outsourcing custodial work could save Linden schools nearly $239,000

Oh, those wacky thieving Mexicans! Even reliable trolls recognize that anitamoore has Gone Too Far. (hatintaxes and snarkyone prefer to bash unions, Democrats, and poor people.) I notice, however, that neither of them flagged her comment for removal, so they must not dislike it too terribly much.

Census Double Header

Michigan census: Which places will lose population? Here are state demographer's expectations

Apparently Mexicans are just like quagga mussels,  except easier to remove from the hull of your boat.

Michigan's census numbers appear ugly, but look again

Why eliminate poverty when you can eliminate poor people? Also, per landingteam2, you waived your right to vote and be represented the day you applied for a Bridge card.

His Name Says It All

Second worker pleads guilty in food-stamp fraud at Grand Rapids store

Perennial commenter "closetheborders" chimes in with his principal concern: the local presence and possible American citizenship of people with funny names.

It goes without saying that neither Mexicans nor Muslims appear in the article, and the workers' ethnic background is not explicitly stated.

I Bet I Can Hate Mexicans Worse Than You

No delving necessary this time. Other commenters, not excerpted here, believe that it is actually illegal not to speak English.

Census: Hispanics poised to become 'majority minority'

How many rapes is jefftalk willing to trade for cheap blueberries? If considered as a negative externality, where does he locate the break-even point for increase in crime rate vs. decrease in tomato cost?

Either FlintGone2 thinks Mexico is run on the "European model" or he thinks Mexicans should move to Europe, I can't tell which. Maybe he thinks Mexico is secretly part of Europe. Those sneaky brown people, they're all over the world!

More Latinos translates directly into more workers to exploit and more women to harass. It's a win-win situation.

Compassion Is Hard, You Guys

ACLU, local pastors and others denounce Agema's immigration bill

This bill, currently in committee, would require police to check immigration status of people they pull over. "Local pastors" actually means "official representative of the Christian Reformed Church," which prompted several commenters to spice up their immigrant-bashing with a little church-bashing. Another commenter elsewhere on the page claims that the church "is basically run by liberal bureaucrats at the upper level," a development I am sure would surprise the CRC hierarchy. Note that bigkaw, below, left the church because it required him to practice compassion, which makes his head hurt. Jesus never said it wouldn't be tough, buddy.

Another commenter cries "Why? Why?" into the desperate night. Susan N. Herman, only you can save his children from the scourge of Spanish homework!