Everyone's A Traitor Around Here

Readers debate whether MEA's push to recall lawmakers is a show of democracy or a bullying tactic

Definitely bullying. Why, I've known canvassers to buttonhole strangers and threaten to stab them in the eye if they didn't sign the petition. One question: if standing around with a clipboard constitutes giving aid and comfort to the enemy, who exactly is the enemy? If FairVoice won't explain who or what, doesn't that make him an accessory to treason?

The only thing worse that circulating a petition is circulating a petition in wartime. javamama might as well have flown out to Afghanistan just to stab a bunch of soldiers in the eye.

Drive-By Elocution Lessons

Universities training teachers under fire for quantity, quality of grads

It's refreshing to see a common-sense perspective, free of gratuitous bashing. Oh, wait.

Hey, you guys, were you aware of the lexical phenomenon African-American Vernacular English? And did you know that the president is black? These facts taken together amount to a tsunami of hilarity. Also, anyone over the age of 18 using the phrase "LOL" is legally barred from casting aspersions on anyone else's diction.

We Hate Children. Especially Yours.

Believe 2 Become launching $3 million effort to prepare kids for kindergarten

Developmentally, the most crucial years are between zero and three, so you'd think more early childhood intervention programs would be a fantastic idea. You would be dreadfully mistaken. Check the remainder of the thread for bonus eugenics action!

The parents are fools for having children, the children are fools for not choosing better parents, and the educators are fools for reaching out to people who clearly do not deserve their work.

My child's preschool is an investment in the future. Your child's preschool is a money-sucking hotbed of government indoctrination.

Believe 2 Become's educators, administrators, and community outreach workers would be very surprised to learn that they are not, in fact, employed.

Commenters Ask: Where's the Hate? [UPDATED]

Gay Straight Alliance faces some opposition at Columbia Central High School

Once again, the very existence of a support group for gay and questioning teenagers constitutes an existential threat to heterosexuality. Surprisingly, most commenters hold off on blatant hate in favor of a passive-aggressive approach.

For every Exodus International "success story," there's a corresponding high-profile sex scandal, usually involving evangelical preachers and rent boys. I'm just saying.

It's rare to find an MLive commenter calling on others to lower the level of discourse.

For the record, this commenter is an idiot. The allegedly "censored" remarks are still online as of this post:

One gets the impression they're lurking, waiting for someone to point out that they're being hateful, so they can claim they're being stifled by political correctness.

It's like this: you can laugh at whatever jokes you want, as long as I can continue to remind you why laughing at those jokes makes you a hateful, mean-spirited person.

[Updated: I found the hate!

Seeing as the Senate repealed Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and the Supreme Court ruled that outlawing butt sex was unconstitutional, BO hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Don't tell BO, but I think Fantabulous Fudge employees might already be married.

It's possible he's confusing "abhorrent" with "aberrant." Then again, maybe he does feel that strongly.]

He's Not Too Chicken To Share His Opinions

Mona Shores chicken prank not so funny after all

If it begins with throwing chickens over walls, it's going to end badly. In this case, with chicken shit and suspension.

I think this is a dissenting view, but it's hard to tell what thor is talking about. One thing is clear: people he doesn't like are having the kind of sex he doesn't approve of. Other comments provide no clarification. In related news, I now favor comma rationing.

Dispatches From The War On Health [UPDATED]

Grand Rapids Public Schools planning to announce multi-million dollar grant for health centers

Yes, that's what the dental exam chair is for. Also, and it pains me to have to explain this repeatedly, but HYDE AMENDMENT.

I imagine the school health workers are terribly disappointed every time they realize they've accidentally provided care to a child with a valid Social Security card, or even a child whose parents were born in the United States. Their two semesters of night-school Spanish are going to waste!

[Updated to note that the next day's followup story drew the same comments, coincidentally in the same order: Grand Rapids schools receives $2.6 million to continue school-based health clinics

No, abortion will be offered a la carte, except on Thursdays. They're running a special: every immunization comes with your choice of abortion or sports physical.]

Expect the Unexpected

13-year-old boy assaults grandmother in Flint

It takes a special kind of dedicated union-basher to draw an instant connection not to a lack of morals or parents, but to the wicked influence of public schools. You know what they say in the teachers' lounge: never attend a department meeting without a weapon. And watch out for those new hires. They'll cut a bitch without even thinking twice.

Shape Up Or Ship Out (Or Both)

Dan Rather on 'National Disgrace' of Detroit Public Schools: Time to start listening to kids

No, it's time to listen to me. I'm Old Man Mushmorton!*

Note that the starting salary of of a Michigan money-grubbing teacher averages $31,753. I can't imagine that metro Detroit weighs in at the high end of the spread.

The commenter appears to have modeled his vision of early childhood education on reservation boarding schools. You know, "Kill the Indian, save the man," rampant physical and sexual abuse, etc. And locating this new school in Standish Prison will save taxpayer dollars and cut down on resistance efforts on the part of the newly-minted orphans.

This comment was flagged for removal but remains accessible via his profile page. It's not clear if he proposes involuntary surgical sterilization, or if his "program" involves contraceptives sprayed from crop dusters or released into the water supply. People who breed themselves into one's wallet must be very small, like gnomes or pixies. Maybe I could keep one as a pet!

For consideration: if "Between the Thieves and the Breeders" were a band lineup, would you attend their show?




* This is my new favorite screen name.

It's A Twofer!

Semester over, but critics inside Hope College say debate over homosexuality is unresolved

Or: "Hope College deigns to formally acknowledge the existence of The Gays, sets off three MLive shitstorms (and counting)."

It's this kind of grudging gesture towards "tolerance" that I find most galling. Expecting gratitude from a persecuted group on the grounds that their persecution is less violent than previously is the worst sort of passive-aggressive manipulation. But wait, there's more!

I believe he is referring to the hardline Islamists who declared a gay-free zone in East London earlier this year, meeting substantial pushback from Muslim and non-Muslims alike. It's not clear whether Sage approves of this development. He must be experiencing classic ambivalence, where he simultaneously loathes Muslims and applauds their actions. I expect he's going through a difficult time right now. He could use your support, and perhaps an oil massage from a really hot Muslim dude, just to amp up his ambivalence to the furthest possible degree.

Just Swing That Wrecking Ball Around the Other Way, Part II

137-year-old St. Andrew's Elementary School reduced to rubble

Disclosure: I attended St. Andrew's for 6th through 8th grades. Great education, but the building was in poor shape 15 years ago. I'm not surprised they decided to call it a loss and build something else in its place.

What, schools? God forbid children should learn about the world around them!

Noow I see: a saint's name in front of the word "school" instantly invalidates everything anyone ever accomplished within the walls of said school. At least it does when you're an asshole.

Objectively In Favor of Schoolyard Stabbings

2nd grader suspended after bringing knife to school

Going forward, I wish to be referred to as a "vile feminist stooge" whenever possible.

Note that the item in question wasn't a pocketknife. It was a large kitchen knife. Surely even big, manly hunters like Dennis understand that large knives can cause serious injury and probably shouldn't be wielded by seven-year-olds who can barely close their little hands around the handle. Also, if the child were a girl, would that alter Dennis' assessment of the situation?

Welcome to the Underclass!

Students to speak about benefits of alternative schools during Governor's Education Summit

You thought this would be an innocent feel-good story about some kids working their way through setbacks. You were mistaken.

In his world, there are no adverse circumstances. There are no learning disabilities. There are only Bad Kids who fail to live up to his standards and deserve to remain poor and uneducated.

Education: There's Something for Everyone to Hate!

Grand Rapids school and union leaders say high poverty, high needs students lose under the governor's proposed budget

The aptly named noclue has a suggestion on what to jettison. Unfortunately, the science is against him.

I have never seen a purer example of the concern troll on MLive. J.J. Forte can only express approval if it's wrapped around veiled racial slurs. He seems to imply that he, too, is an educator, which makes his comment even more insidious.

Other People Are Browsing Websites of Which We Disapprove, Part II

Don't Filter Me: ACLU asks second Metro Detroit high school to stop blocking LGBT resource sites

This story looks familiar because it is familiar. In fact, it's the exact same story I posted about two weeks ago. Fortunately commenter bucky's dad calls out B'wana, doing my work for me. Thanks, man.

He Can't Stop Picking at It, Part II

Fixing one of Michigan's worst schools: Examining Godfrey-Lee's progress

The students and staff of Godfrey-Lee High School took lemons, made lemonade, and served it up in a glass inscribed "Learning Is So Important, You Guys!" Then closetheborders poured out their lemonade and replaced it with a Dixie cup of warm piss.

Furthermore, he does not appear to understand how "public schools" work. It's simple: people pay taxes so people can go to school. Sometimes these are actually the same people. We do this not only because learning is important, but because learning increases the likelihood that people will find good jobs and thus not need the welfare that closetheborders decries.

Fun with Antecedents

Federal immigration agents accused of 'stalking' parents dropping off kids at Detroit school

Oh, you mean the kids? They go to school because that's where all the books and teachers are.

That's not what you meant? You should be aware that the ICE agents weren't "just doing their jobs." They're prohibited by law from conducting operations in or near schools.

Other People Are Browsing Websites of Which We Disapprove

ACLU to Rochester High: Stop filtering lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender resource sites

They shouldn't be looking at naughty websites at school anyway. I particularly like the assumption that the "It Gets Better" campaign is a mere hop, skip, and a jump from International Mr. Leather.

It's not clear what kids without home internet access are supposed to do.

You may not have noticed this, but every day is Heterosexuality Awareness Day. The Knot, for example, or Parenting.org, exist to promote compulsory heterosexuality and rigid gender roles.

 It's hostage-exchange time. We'll take GLSEN for the Family Research Council, Win the Ultimate Prom and Bros Like This Site for the Human Rights Campaign and the Matthew Shepard Foundation. Satisfied? No?

Maybe my tax dollars don't want to pay for your blood pressure medication, buddy. Maybe my tax dollars don't want to pay for another long-range bomber. Here's the catch: I don't get to earmark my tax returns, and neither do you.

Mo' Non Sequiturs, Mo' Questions

Fourth-grader brings knife to school

What does this have to do with the Kentwood Public Schools' weapons policy? Did he find out that Karen Friberg voted for Virg Bernero? Does he want to cut Democrats with his pocketknife, or just give them all detention?

Bonus misogyny!

Yes, but what is he supposed to to two days later, when the hole closes up? I don't think Mr. Wonkythumb is going to like the answer.

Everything New Is Old Again

Editorial: Why educational standards needed to be changed in Michigan

Five paragraphs and a lot of tortured syntax boil down to "Black people are stupid and don't deserve education anyway." I had to read the last two paragraphs closely to realize he's actually arguing against the Civil Rights Act. The real problem with schools today? "Both black and white students [have been] finally forced by law to exist in the same space." Other commentors are skeptical, but this comment is so poorly written it's probably legit.

I think if "NOBOMA" were a liberal troll, he would have spelled the president's name correctly.