Selective Attention

University of Michigan-Flint students return from helping clean Joplin, Missouri neighborhoods destroyed by tornado: 'we're all connected'

Note that the students' race is not mentioned, nor do they appear in a photograph.

Apparently when natural disasters strike nations in Africa, Asia, or Latin America, everyone just stands around waiting for the white people to show up. Why, before pullupyourpants rolled through, none of those black and brown people even knew first aid! It didn't matter, though, because they were too stupid to notice that their cities had fallen down and their neighbors were dying.

This Is My Boom Stick

12-year-old describes 'woosh' of bullets that came from target shooters into Rockford area subdivision

Here, the pressing matter isn't that people are blindly firing semi-automatic weapons in the woods behind a subdivision. The problem is their poor choice of firearm.

Sage prefers guns made in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Yellow Peril Comes to Knapp's Corner Meijer

Suspects in in alleged credit-card scheme at Meijer held without bond because of flight risk

Yes, all Chinese are automatons! Does the Party communicate with its pawns via implanted microchips, or will a phone call suffice? SageofthePage gets some pushback on this, and doubles down:

It's the Underpants Gnome theory of industrial espionage:

1. Get American visa.
2. Steal Meijer gift cards.
3. ...
4. CHINESE TECHNOLOGY DESTROY YOU!!!1!!

This comment could be appended to any crime story with multiple perpetrators. As far as I'm concerned, deweyjohn flunks the Turing Test.

Furriners Eat Furrin Things

Man who inherited nearly 100 cats asks for help, Humane Society responds

I believe this individual thinks he is making a funny. Personally I think eating cat makes more intuitive sense than eating runny nacho cheese. Still, at this very moment, thousands of people are waiting in line at Taco Bell drive-thrus.