Drive-By Evangelism

Neighbors: Dorothy Kerr of Jackson gets inspiration from Buddha

She might as well have told the reporter she gets inspiration from Ahriman, the god of darkness or the demon Verdelet, as far as this commenter is concerned.

Not content to bash mild-mannered Unitarians, Jesus_died sticks around for some Catholic-bashing. Are you familiar with The Awful Disclosures of Maria Monk? No? We are.

If it's about a relationship, not religion, then I'm saved, because Jesus is totally my homeboy. We went on a bike ride today, and then we got coffee. He's really fun to hang out with. I'll introduce you to him sometime.

Yes, I'm Sure That's The Reason

Fox 2's Andrea Isom takes the biggest wedge she could find, shoves it between Detroit and suburbs

MLive blogger Aaron Foley critiques a tone-deaf television piece that encourages suburbanites to move back to Detroit because, hey, wouldn't you know, there really are other white people there.

It's the word on the street: take care that you only rob white people. They have nicer stuff, and it helps out with that race war thing we're trying to get going.

I Have No Idea What You Think that Means, Part II

Facebook group calls for boycott of Holland following anti-discrimination vote

According to Sage, simply invoking the Lavender Menace and the Red Menace in the same sentence Krazy-Glues them together. I wish he would tell us what the gays want, though. A pair of size 12 patent leather heels? The new Tom of Finland hardcover from Taschen? A raise? Freedom to marry? So ominous!

Ask Me About My Masters In Social Work!

Legislator seeks to close Bridge Card loophole for Lotto winners

Just as Raymond Pistachio will tell you whether you have been raped, CMW will tell you whether or not you are poor. High caseload means his backlog is horrendous, though. By the time he gets around to a decision you may even die of starvation. He's saving taxpayer dollars, one dead child at a time.

We Are Delicate Flowers

Burton woman killed in Flint crash that broke apart motorcycle and overturned pickup truck

Did you know that once you give birth, you are morally obligated to devote your every waking thought and breath to your offspring?

He's not calling her a bad mother or anything. He's just asking questions.

Bitches Be Crazy, Yo

Jury could decide fate of Midland County woman accused of putting out Bay City woman's eye with spike-heeled shoe

Oh, just let the women fight it out. Everyone knows that stupid sluts can't control themselves when they hit the bottle. They were probably both on the rag.

Liberalism Means You Feel Our Pain

Ten-year-old boy accidentally shoots himself in the face with a shotgun while cleaning out garage in Sheridan Township

There are few situation too stupid or implausible to truly be accidents. Another commenter clarifies:

Or, according to firstnotlast, a rogue cadre of leftists kidnapped a 10-year-old, shot him in the face, and made it look like an accident, all to advance their anti-freedom agenda. Can the board of directors of the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence account for their whereabouts at the time of the incident? No? Open and shut case, people.

Don't Let The Gays In The Lab, People

Letter: No good comes to kids who come out of closet

"It," below, refers to the AIDS epidemic.

Little-known fact: in the late 1970s, a San Francisco leatherman/tranny cabal concocted a lethal virus that would...decimate the gay community. Oh. Funny how that worked out.

Elsewhere on the thread, two commenters attempting to promote compassion and acceptance of the homos in our midst are themselves attacked as narrow-minded and hateful. Sometimes irony is funny; sometimes it's just depressing.

So That's Where Gyro Meat Comes From

Court order allows Christian leaflets at Arab International Festival in Dearborn

Believe it or not, many Arabs are also Christian. It's true!

This vision of the festival is terribly grim. Not only are the savage Moors tearing the infidels to pieces, they're turning on their own. The picture accompanying the article appears to show a line of people waiting to ride on a carousel, but now we understand that they're actually queuing up to get their scimitars sharpened, or perhaps to watch the hideous spectacle of evangelical missionaries and Chaldeans alike being eviscerated like kebabs.

Continued Functioning Of Government Agencies Proves Government Is Bad

Kentwood woman bit by rabid bat in her bedroom

Like other commenters, I too would like to know the identity of WestMichTeaParty's confidant.

Not only is this comment brain-meltingly stupid, it bears an unfortunate resemblance to rape apologists' insinuations that the woman should have done more to prevent her assault. That said, I will resort to bullet points.

1. There is no such thing as a "feral bat." This implies that it was at one time somebody's pet bat, but flew from its loving home only to contract rabies. So sad!

2. How anyone can provoke a bat while asleep is beyond me.

3. There is no such thing as "bat repellent."

4. Kentwood is not widely known to be a "feral bat area," nor do its residents use bed nets. Instead, they donate to NGOs which provide bed nets to those actually at risk of contracting malaria. In, you know, the tropics.

5. I assume by "spotters" he means the woman's dog. Is there a bat-sniffing training course available, and if so do they train the dogs to attack the bats, or simply to locate them?

6. Good luck! I hope you enjoy living in a state of barely-repressed panic, knowing that horrific tragedy could strike at any moment!

Cash prize offered for anyone who can find evidence of a) persuasion or b) a point in the above remarks.* If these government agencies did not exist, the woman in the article would be dead. WestMichTeaParty either doesn't understand this, or considers it an acceptable tradeoff for ideological purity.

Never let it be said that conservatives have no sense of humor.

* Not intended to be a factual statement.

I Am Beginning To Perceive A Theme

18-year-old man stabbed in Flint; refuses to talk to police

People. The cops are not in charge of the hospital. The hospital is in charge of the hospital. You're welcome. Also: since he refused to identify suspects, the police cannot press charges. If there are no criminal charges, there's no investigation to obstruct. Declining to speak to police is not a crime. But wait, there's more!

The Hippocratic Oath is Only for People We Like, Part III

Man with buckshot in legs flags down ambulance, refuses to talk to police

Wouldn't it be nice if approval for emergency medical procedures were outsourced to MLive commenters? I'm sure that everyone's taxes and insurance bills will go down immediately once hospitals are authorized to let people bleed to death in the street.

They Get A Little Out Of Hand Around The Holidays

County called in to help combat Flint structure fires Saturday night

Oh, don't worry. That's just celebratory arson. It's a custom among The Coloreds.

No Catchy Headline Today, Sorry

Sonia Robertson gets long prison term for stabbing, biting, shoplifting attempt at Kmart

The dehumanization is so complete that Robertson doesn't even merit a gendered pronoun. It's coldness combined with proper sentence structure that worries me most, because these are the people who vote.

Two Bigots For The Price Of One

Letter: Gay-Straight Alliance can play necessary role

Astronomy Teacher respectfully disagrees with homosexuals regarding their right to exist, tis_himself calls them out, and they go at it over three pages of comments. BO can't resist the opportunity to get in a good jab:

First, BO is mistaken. Second, who actually uses "spade" as a racial slur these days? And third, why does he attempt to derail every thread with faux anti-racist non sequiturs?

Breaking: Holland Gay Community Actually Exists

Editorial: Why the Holland City Council should increase gay rights protections

Given the Grand Rapids Press' track record on political endorsements, if their editorial board concludes that anti-gay discrimination is wrong you can be sure that equality has gone mainstream. No, no, say commenters: this is an example of burdensome government regulation! You're supposed to oppose that kind of thing!

The irony is that anti-gay measures like sodomy laws are about as controlling and intrusive as government regulation can get. Also: thanks, Shamuzoo!

Those pansies, mincing around as if they thought the equal protection clause applied to them! Next thing you know they'll want to get married and join the military. The nerve!

Won't The Bugs Just Crawl Under The Fence, Though?

From the Comments: Readers critical of Flint's South Side Task Force prostitution sting

Apparently the city got a federal grant earmarked for anti-prostitution enforcement. They're not getting their money's worth, though, as they only managed to arrest three women and one man.

Instead of resorting to same-old, same-old complaints that government is misusing taxpayers' money or ignoring more serious crimes, haveafunday goes for the gold. Racism and eliminationism for the win!

Soccer Is For Homosexuals And Unwashed Foreigners

Commentary: Can Detroit support Major League Soccer? Ford Field crowd requires perspective

You can't have it both ways, B'wana. Either soccer is a savage game, a pitched battle between opposing hordes of brown people, or it's for "puffs." If it's one of those faggy European games, like badminton or croquet, wouldn't it be beneath the notice of all those foreign hooligans?

All You Perverts Are The Same Anyway

Teen sentenced to prison for engaging in sexual activity with 5-year-old

We can always rely on BO to make a bad situation feel even scummier.

"Severely gay" means you're, like, a Kinsey 10.

Ladies, The Weight Of The World Rests On Your Frail Shoulders

From Muskegon: Gun violence: Devising a plan to 'take the neighborhoods back'

Unlike hellomi (who is female), I do not possess Special Woman Powers that allow me to exert long-distance mind control over boyfriends and male relatives, thus keeping them on the path of virtue. This renders me morally culpable for any number of crimes that may or may not have been committed by any man I have ever dated or shared living space with. I await your condemnation and social ostracism!

And from Saginaw: Trial to continue today for Saginaw man accused of sexually assaulting young girl five times

Special Woman Powers also come in handy for divining whether one's boyfriend is likely to commit crimes in the future.

Due diligence: not just for the legal profession. Steal your boyfriend's ID and run a criminal background check on him, ladies. If you don't, be prepared to shoulder the downfall of civilized society.