Step Away From The Keyboard

Wednesday's Social Security checks will arrive on time after debt ceiling compromise reached

Nobody told me about any liberal campaign of terror. I'm always down for a torch-and-pitchfork flashmob. Seriously, next time you should call me.

His unique spelling gives the comment has a 19th-century flavor. I imagine Mr. R---, of the village of H---, half-rising from his wheeled invalid's chair, consumed with indignation. Those d----d scoundrels! Such villainy!

So it's true? Tom Rademacher is the source of all evil? I suspected as much.

They're Sick, They Can't Help Themselves

Three Flint residents shot while leaving nightclub

I don't mean to sound crazy or anything, but I'm about to cite an unhinged mass murderer's predictions of total race war.

So black people are infected with the rage? Has the CDC been notified? Should we begin implementing our Zombie Apocalypse Long-Term Survival Strategies? And can you get back to me on this real soon now?

Not Actually About Arson

'Total chaos:' Flint firefighters respond to 11 vacant house fires all around the same time, location overnight

This thread becomes very convoluted very quickly; please bear with me.

ArmOFtheLORD, like Fpd047, knows which racial slurs are permitted. He's referring to an earlier comment by Jesus_said, which as far as I can tell no longer appears anywhere on MLive.

My guess is that ts673335's first paragraph quotes Jesus_said and the second and third paragraphs are a response, but without the referent it's impossible to say for sure.

Fun fact: opinions differ on whether there is a patron saint of fetuses, and who that saint might be. None of them live in Davison, though.

Note that ts673335 is on a rampage, adding the same comment to every thread with a post by Jesus_said, as here, here, and here:

ArmOFtheLORD is definitely Christian Identity, and his rhetoric is very similar to Jesus_said's. Having his two aliases engage in conversation is a nice touch. Naturally no one can verify or disprove ts's claim, but it's plausible.

Your Equation Does Not Add Up

Detroit activists join statewide effort to repeal emergency manager law

Wait, do black people vote Democratic because Democrats are corrupt, or are Democrats corrupt because they're black? Also, what does this have to do with measures passed by white Republicans?

Nothing Will Slake His Thirst For Blood

Report: Traverse City teen confesses to killing missing teen; body found

It pains mushmorton to learn that the killer has not already been drawn and quartered in the presence of the victim's parents.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought that living in a Christlike manner was kind of the point of being a Christian. This dude wrote a book about it and everything.

Lawyers, judges, police officers, elected officials? Anarchists, all. Old Man Mushmorton is the only law you need!

Attempts to talk him down do not meet with success.

From this we can conclude that mushmorton is a) consistent and b) Dutch, given his hardline stance on misuse of his personal tax dollars. Farther down the thread, he attempts to draw historical analogies:

By this logic, the state should be firebombing Grayling already, and delivering a nuclear ultimatum for Grand Traverse County effective tomorrow.

Flint Police investigating homicide of 50-year-old man on Stewart Avenue in Flint

I'm just going to link Judge Dredd again, because I find it funny. mushmorton's absolutely on a roll here, with far more "kill 'em all!" comments than I have clever responses. I take comfort in the precious illusion that he is actually a shut-in who spends his days reading MLive, watching survivalist videos, and caressing his rifle collection. In actuality, I probably passed him at Meijer last week.

He's Not Too Chicken To Share His Opinions

Mona Shores chicken prank not so funny after all

If it begins with throwing chickens over walls, it's going to end badly. In this case, with chicken shit and suspension.

I think this is a dissenting view, but it's hard to tell what thor is talking about. One thing is clear: people he doesn't like are having the kind of sex he doesn't approve of. Other comments provide no clarification. In related news, I now favor comma rationing.

We Prefer to Prevent Suicide Attempts with Homicide Attempts

Woman threatening to jump from train trestle into Grand River, water rescue units responding

Apparently the cops were able to talk her down and get her to a hospital. This, however, is not good enough for raven76114. Bitch needs to be taught a lesson!

I'm sure that what everyone at the point of attempting suicide really, secretly wants is a person standing around taunting them. Mental illness is not like the hiccups. It doesn't vanish after a good scare or a talking-to, and it disturbs me how many people still believe this. Also, dwartfarquart does my work for me by concurring that pushing someone off a railroad trestle into a fast-moving river, then jumping in after her, amounts at attempted murder followed with death by misadventure. Note: "Death by misadventure" is legal terminology for "you did something fucking retarded."